Recently, I've been thinking a lot about gender, and this question in particular:
𝙄𝙛 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙘𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙙𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨* 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙜𝙚, 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙘𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙙 (𝙚𝙭 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙜𝙚), 𝙤𝙧 "𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙬"? .
Now let me be clear, I'm not saying that I regret transitioning. In fact, I feel more aligned with my body than ever, and feel at peace taking testosterone and getting top surgery. But yet, especially as I grow closer to God, I still find myself questioning the WHY. Is there something innately wrong with me? Could I have done something to prevent this? Is my transition a result of (unknown) trauma?
Perhaps this is something I'll never find the answer to. But I guess it's worth a shot to think about. I know I wasn't happy living as female, and although I'm comfortable in a male body, I still feel alienated by my maleness. This is a work in progress🙏🏼✨