It’s all got a bit dark over the past week. I keep reiterating this- maybe for my benefit more than you, the person reading this. I said this journey would be the truth. I said it would be honest.
5 weeks ago I injured my hip, so I started cycling and swimming. 2 weeks ago I was told no more swimming. 1 week ago I was told no more cycling- treadmill for walking only. Today I was told you need to stop exercising until you see a muscular specialist next week and get an MRI (which I have been asking for all along.) Because my hip injury is getting worse. Even though I couldn’t run. Every single work out. I was giving it 100% to stay fit.
I’ve hit a massive *insert expletive here* wall today. And my mind has gone dark. I’m struggling to see a way through to the a marathon. To help my charities. To prove I can.
I’m not posting this for your sympathy, I’m posting this because sometimes the negative voice, and also the reality of a situation can take over. Sitting hurts. Waking hurts. Lying down hurts. I am so frustrated there are no words.
For those interested I will post the outcome of the scan and appointment- which I hope to have next week. In the meantime, I’m going to try and occupy my mind with something else, because I am not ashamed to admit my mind can be a dark and lonely place at times. And I need a definitive outcome on my position and my ability to do the London Marathon 2020.
I never realised something like running (especially when it’s for charities) could become the central beacon of my life. I live, breathe, sleep THE MARATHON - I never thought it would consume me so. It’s been a rough few months for varying reasons. And running has given me hope. And even though I am pretty down right now. It is still there, giving me hope when I need it so very much. #londonmarathon2020 #vlm2020 #injury #succeed #forthepaws #rumnatrum #iwillbendbutnotbreak #learning #training